|I am bummed I have gotten so far behind in my blogging, even though I have been keeping up in my moleskin journal. My last 10 days in Thailand were full of growth, journeys, and of course emotions. Ayuttahya, Thailand was a beautiful town, I absolutely loved it there. If I was to get sick anywhere, I was glad it was there. I made a wonderful new friend from Ireland- but originally from France- Mary-Laur, as well as met up with a new friend that lives there who gave me so much assistance and advice. I got to explore the ruins and the beautiful temples that scatter the grounds. I was invited to an elementary school with my friend Judith to watch her teach English. The kids were so adorable and sweet and well behaved. They are so appreciative of learning, especially English. The girls adored me and I fell in love with a whole new aspect of travel. The ability to contribute to the society I am traveling in. Teaching English has now become an option and a possibility I may choose to embark on at some point. Not only for the ability to live in a foreign country, but to teach cute little kids and venture down an avenue I had never once considered. Mary-Laur and I had a lot of great conversations and formed a bond that I will forever remember. She kept me company as well as really made sure I was okay while I was sick. I am becoming so grateful for the people I am meeting on this journey, the opportunity to hear others stories and relate. Something I wrote in my journal while wide awake at 2am as I was getting better: “I often think how crazy it is that I am in Thailand, I am traveling Southeast Asia alone. Even though I am not really alone. Creator is always with me, as well I continue to meet wonderful strangers traveling, exploring, and growing just like me. I am often exploring by myself- yet when I am open and receptive I find I meet others easily. I experience a lot of the hardest times in my own head-it tells me I can’t do this, I am not doing it right- I fall prey to these thoughts and begin wanting to come home. Wanting to escape the difficult times and go back to comfort. Similar to recovery- when I stopped using and began doing the work shit got painful. I never gave up- I continued one day at a time. My grandpa used to tell me- sometimes we have to take it one minute at a time. Sometimes while traveling all you can do is take it one minute at a time. Develop the ability to stay present, in the moment, and embrace everything- utilizing all my senses and just be. Being in a constant state of uncomfortability-slight confusion- and lost is something I am learning to cope with.”|
Mary- Laur and I both ventured to Bangkok together as she knew I was pretty nervous to head there solo. That is where we went seperate ways.
Ruins in Ayuttahya
|Mary-Laur and I in Bangkok!|
You begin to cope with goodbyes- which are never really goodbyes- you begin to understand how to enjoy a friendship without becomming attatched to prevent suffering and embrace it for all that it is.
Hello Bangkok! I faced another fear- being in Bangkok- and it really was not all that bad. I had a taxi drop me of near Koh San Road to find a hostel. I found a place luckily and got one night- the price you pay for not booking ahead is wandering towns in the heat with your bag hoping for clean sheets and a decent bathroom at a decent price. I was sleeping in a dorm for my first time on this trip a 14-bed female dorm. It wasnt as exciting as I thought it would be. I explored Koh San road which is crazy- so much tourism- so many people- so much crap to buy. Something I am beginning to notice is the amount of “stuff” or in other words junk that is for sale. They sell EVERYTHING. The following morning I met 2 travelers from the states that I would end up spending the day with. We rode water taxis and navigated our way to the laying Buddha. As we were headed to another temple the rain began- and boy did it pour. The drops are huge, the rain is heavy, and there aren’t many places to hide. Ahad- one of the travelers I was with- and I decided to make light of the unfortunate situation and we began to dance in the rain. I laughed so much, I had never truely danced in the rain- or I have it has just been many years since I have and really enjoyed it. Letting go of worrying what was to come next, how would I dry off, if I would be cold. We just danced away the worries of the storm. Isn’t there a quote about this?
“Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain”
The next few days were spent exploring Bangkok on my own- riding water taxi’s, getting lost, visitng giant shopping malls and just getting a taste of Bangkok. I slept in a really dirty hostel near Koh San Road, but it was cheap. Thunder and lightening storms put me to sleep each night, the loudest thunder I have ever heard, and giant purple lightening strikes. I met a gentlement on a bus that would teach me how to ride the skytrain and I got lost at night in a storm that brought me to tears of fear and panick. I will write a blog about those two events to describe them more thoroughly. I spent a total of 4 days in Bangkok which was enough for me. I will go back and explore, there is so much to see and do there. Bangkok is like cake, you have a little piece to enjoy its taste- but if you have to much it becomes overwhelming and sickening…. ;0)
I overcame another fear- even hit a meeting while there. I am beginning to see my fears are all in my head- I create them and intensify them and if I allow them to control what I do, my experiences and my life will be controlled by fear and limitation will remain. I seek a life with no limitations- especially ones created in my own head.